tv The Daily Show Comedy Central April 25, 2017 1:40am-2:11am PDT
cannot bear children, so miss cartman's dna match with eric can only mean that she is his father and she got another woman pregnant at the drunken barn dance. man, this is !@#$% weak. dude, you're a big fat ass and your mom's a hermaphrodite. i'm sorry, i never told you're eric. i just thought maybe it would be a little shocking to you. oh wow, gee, you think so mom ? well, that's that, thank you all for playing. no, no, wait a minute. if she's my dad, then who's my mom ? ( narrator ) who is eric cartman's mother ? is it mrs. crabtree ? sheila broslovski ? the mayor ? oh, forget it ! captioning made possible by comedy central
>> from come he de central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevora. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome to the daily show. thank you so much for tuning in, i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight is the governor of ohio and former republican candidate for president john kasich is here, everybody. heres plaws. but first up, did you guys see the march for science this weekend? yes. well, it was really exciting. people were protesting all over the country, because they say president trump does not care
about science. but i don't think thases' fair. because today donald trump took a phone call from the international space station. and you tell me the science of living in space doesn't interest him. >> water is such a precious resource up here, that we also are cleaning up our urine and making it drinkable and it's really not add bas add it sounds. >> well, that's good. i'm glad to hear that. better you than me. >> trevor: first of all, i love the astronaut saying that drinking purified urine is not as bad as it sounds am like that's how much people want to be off this planet right now. hmmmm, it's better than the [bleep] that you guys are dealing with over there. that was such a funny moment. the astronaut tells trump that they purify their own urine and can drink it and trump's like that's disgusting. why would you purify it?
and look, and look, don't get me wrong. i know trump was making a joke when he said better you than me. but like if you are an american astronaut in space, i think you want the president to have your back a little bit, you know? like you want the president to say something along the lines look you're doing us proud t is the final frontier and trump is just like, better you than me. oh and by the way, i cancelled science. bye bye. bye bye. but-- (cheers and applause). >> trevor: let's move on. i want to talk about the number 100, all right. the perfect number. and if you take away the one t kind of looks like a-- the reason i bring up the number 100 because this saturday will be president trump's 100 days in office it is 100 days in trump time, for us it's 15 years. but we're all living in trump's time so it is 100 days which as history will tell you it is an early milestone of presidential success. >> after a hundred days i'm pleased with the progress we've
made. >> today marks our 100th day of working together for the american people. >> the first 100 days. >> my first hundred days priorities, if you will. >> i'm rather pleased with what has been accomplished in the first hundred days. >> trevor: and that looks like me when i'm high. (laughter) the hundred days thing only went so far back. because everything back in the day took so much longer. i bet george washington was like, and the first 100 days, i will mail this letter to congress. now trump has ignored a lot of presidential traditions like releasing tax returns or working on the weekend or knowing about governments. but even he has been all about the 100 days. >> just think about what we can accomplish in the first 100 days. we're going to have the biggest tax cut. we're going to rebuild our military. >> the american infrastructure act. restoring community safety act.
the repeal and replace obama care act. and none of it is actually going to get done. whooo! whooo! that's so many promises. i bet trump is one of those people who makes too many new year's resolutions. january 1st, i start my diet, sign up for pilates, i finally face my biggest fear, making eye contact with my son eric. that guy gives me the creeps. because with just five days to go before day 100, it's starting to become clear that president trump has accomplished very little of what he promtioned. travel ban, blocked. health-care plan, blocked. and surprise, surprise, no one wants to pay for his walls. and if you are a trump supporter you may be saying at least he tried. doesn't that count for something? no, it doesn't. it really doesn't. yeah, that's not how it works in government. boy scouts don't earn badges for
trying to help an old lady across the street. they either help her across or she gets crushed by an 18 wheeler, that is how it works. you don't get get a badge for that by the way, why is that kid still smiling. that looks cepe. he has got problems. so with the hundred day mark approaching and not much to show for it, 24r was only one thing for donald trump to do, admit that being president is a lot more nuanced than he expected. no, just kidding. i was just kidding. he is just moving the goal post. >> president trump says his is a different kind of presidency. and that's part of why he thinks the 100 day score card coming up saturday is something that doesn't really apply to him. he calls it an artificial barrier, and something that just isn't that meaningful. >> trevor: wow. an artificial barrier that shouldn't apply to imhad. he's probably used that same line to get out of wearing a condom. now donald trump can't suddenly say that 100 days is an arbitrary number.
because he ran on the 100 days during the campaign. you don't get to just disregard the number because you don't like the current result. because if most voters in america got to choose the number they prefer, well, you wouldn't be in the white house, donald. you would be at mar-a-lago playing golf. playing golf. we'll be right back. red line, 20 minute delay. oh, no. (rhythmic clatter) can't get a signal? so annoying, right? yeah, and i'm late for a job interview. hey, man, can you just nix it, just for like two seconds? thank you. you need verizon. they have the largest, most reliable 4g lte network in america. it's made to work in places like this. with verizon unlimited, we could video chat the interview in hd right here. okay. hey, man, i'll cue you. (vo) when it really, really matters, you need the best network and the best unlimited. just $45 per line for four lines. i'm a people person. (drumming resumes)
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. >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. you know, a few months ago the failing new york times ran a piece about how americans are more and more in courted not just in political bubbles but cultural ones too and you can tell more about a place and how they vote in 2016 by what tv shows they watch and who they voted for in the past. for instance, trump voters tend to enjoy duck dynasty, right. hillary clinton votedders tend to enjoy family guy, and bernie
voters tell you that they don't own a tv. but the fact that really caught our iowas that although "the daily show" is popular in a lot of big cities, our show barely gets watched in many red and rural areas. and there was one place that didn't watch "the daily show" more than anywhere else. alabama. and i don't think you understand how hurtful that is. (laughter) for an entire state to swipe left on you. we felt like ted cruz. an as we're trying to figure out why this might be, many of us here had to admit alabama is a place we don't know much about. so this week we decided that we're going to get to know alabama with desi, jordan, hasan and roy at the show each filing reports from all over the state. and we start with desi lydic, ever. (applause) >> thanks, trevor. why dubt alabama like "the daily show"? well, maybe because in a state
that pew research recently ranked the nation's number one most religious, they might feel we don't reflect their values. just because new york was the 43rd most religious, that's not even counting how i just spent my weekend, steam cleaning alone, trevor, i can't even tell you. anyway, to me it seems clear there was no better place to start understanding alabama than in church. if i was going to understand the most religious state in the union it was going to take a miracle, a sign from god, look, a sign from god. and that wasn't the only one. they were everywhere. see here in alabama church signs are like god's twitter. >> these signs are alabama he main source of comedy so why is "the daily show" taking off here like these church signs or football. but in birmingham i saw one sign that resonated. calling out trump and racism,
throw in a diq joke and that is "the daily show." >> your signs are fantastic. you are our people. you're excited to meet me because you like the show. >> what-- . >> you haven't watched it that much or you haven't watched it. >> i haven't watched it. >> okay. >> okay. >> but without learning what to think about politics from our show, where was he getting his inspiration. >> my inspiration is that our president is a bigot. >> hallelujah. >> and i hope the senator and congressmen will impeach him and eradicate him. >> you want to lead us in a quuk prayer to he rad kate president trump. >> gracious father, in the name of jesus, move this remove this demon from the white house. >> send him out. >> send him out. >> to the pits of hell, wherever he came from in jesus name, we
pray, bye bye. >> bye bye. >> new york and alabama aren't so different after all. we do understand each other. but that's not the only sign pastor jordan is famous for. talking about some of the other signs that went viral. >> the big sign was about gay marriage. and. >> god welcomes all-- people of all kind. >>-- but many male and female so-- marriage is tbheen male and female. i didn't go against the scriptures on that. >> sor hee wa, did the sign say? >> god will forbid two men from getting mar heied, god's words, forbid two men from getting married. >> on the other hand, the back of the sign read much worse. >> that sign made headlines. >> uh-huh, i bet it did. >> in the black church, homosexuality is just taken over the musical department.
and this might be a shock to you all. >> probably not but. >> you don't come out of the closet in a black neighborhood. >> do you think that the black homosexuals are closeted because their pastors are telling them that aids is god's curse on them? >> no, no, it's not-- the black homosexuals, they won't show up. >> what? cuz they read the sign? okays maybe not everyone needs to watch our show. but how much of an impact could these religious views possibly have on life here. >> it is immersed through everything in alabama. >> meet representative pat todd, the first openly gay elected official in alabama. >> my life's been threatened three times suns i have been in the legislature. >> i just don't understand why of all the places that you could choose to live, why you would choose to live in [bleep] alabama, [bleep] is that what gluten tastes like?
>> i want to confront that bigotry. you know what is interesting about alabama. >> no, i don't. >> we are the only southern state that has not passed any antigay legislation since i've been in office. and i think it's harder to get up and argue antigay stuff when you have to look across the podium and argue with. >> meeting face to face might work for politics but what will religeoon, pastor jim has been a preparer sns 1998 and has been inviting iraqi and syrian refugees to him home. not even to tell them they're going to hell. >> the greatest way you can honor another human being is to have a meal with them. that is the way we built bridges. >> and on the other side of the bridge, native alabamaians. >> i didn't even know grace had. >> despite these microaggressions, the refugees seem to be enjoying themselves. >> i'm from iraq. i'm coming here in 2009. i love the people here.
>> my name is mustafa. i came to the u.s. in 2013 with my dad. and we met sir jim, because i came here i speak english so i can communicate. >> his journey was so incredible. but there was an even bigger miracle in this story. >> i'm a. >> you actually watch the show. >> absolutely. >> if you had to choose your favorite correspondent. >> they all great. >> but like specifically if you had to pick one favorite who you like the work of most. >> jordan klepper, sure. >> see, this is why we shouldn't let immigrants into our country. but i could feel the love from the other people at the table. and i was inspired. >> dear lord, please help me with my struggle to believe in alabama. i had a lot of precone received notions when i got here about the people. i thought they were real swamp
people. but when i actually came here, i met some really wonderful people. like 75% of the people sitting at this very table, so thank you for opening my eyes to the nuance of alabama. amen. in america, some people use religion to separate themselves. but in this corner of alabama t was doing the opposite. thanks to the work of people like pastor jim. oh, wait, are you cool with gay people, right? >> i love everyone, that's true. >> okay, good, just making sure. >> amen. or as we say here in alabama, in jesus name we pray, bye bye. >> trevor: desi lydic, everybody. we'll be right back. (applause)
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he loves taking pictures.. and with sprint's unlimited plan, we can post whenever we want. lease two samsung galaxy s8s for the price of one. and with galaxy forever, you can upgrade to the latest galaxy every year. plus get unlimited $30 per month per line for four lines. for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay.com. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. my guest tonight is a former republican presidential candidate and author of the new book two paths, america divided or united. please welcome ohio governor john kasich. (applause) welcome to the show. before we get into the interview, there are a lot of people who know you from the campaign trail and from ohio. but i think a lot of people want questions answered and especially about this. >> the sausage is really good.
>> i love it. i'm going to have a little strudel, just like this. >> how about a little cheese on the top of this. >> it it is great. mama mia. >> trevor: john kasich, were you using the presidency as a ruse to get free food? >> you foa, my wife said that if you ever eat again in front of a camera, you're not sleeping at home. my wife is beautiful, so i gave up eating all together. >> trevor: that's nice. >> but you know what, it was coming here, is the food not the best in new york? i mean it's just fantastic, you know and it was a great time. by the way, you know, i won manhattan so i am kind of the president of manhattan. i don't really know how i did in trump tower but i think i did pretty well. >> trevor: i think you did, because melania was the only person there, she probably voted for you as well. let's talk about-- let's talk
about you and let's get into the presidency. you are the governor of ohio, there is a saying, as ohio goes, so goes the election. your constituents didn't support trump in the primaries and they did support donald trump in the election. looking at what donald trump has done now five years away from a-- five days away from a hundred days in the presidency, in touch with your people on the ground, how are they reacting to trump's presidency. >> i think people who voted for him are still hanging in. there i think very few of the people who voted for him have said they don't like him. this is part of the problem. it's almost like rooting for a sports team. you wear your uniform and you are always for your team regardless. i think over time if the jobs don't come back, that will begin to change am but this is part of the problem we have in the country. everybody is sort of dividing themselves, okay. so if you are a liberal, you read liberal editorials, you watch liberal television, you, you know, go to the huffington post. if you are a conservative, do you conservative television, you do rush limbaugh, and
conservative editorials. so people are all locked in the sillos. and we only consume what we want. frankly, we're all affected by it think about facebook, put something up there, i don't like. i unfriend you. we are to the point where people are not listening to each other, and being able to, you know, hear what you have to say, show you a little respect and-- . >> trevor: but some people argue though that politicians have played a big role in that. i love what you talk about in the book, two paths in america, divided or united. but many people would argue, i remember when i first watched the debail-- debate t seemed like people hated each other. >> is that what those were. i stood on the end of the stage it was like tbing to the olympics and swimming. i was way out here and i was watching it, watching this stuff and i was like you have a he got to be kidding may. >> trevor: but it seemed like everyone there there was opposed, didn't agree, is hyperbolic fsm he's president it's the end. if she's president, it's the end. don't you think there was a large role that politicians played. >> oh no, no, no. there is no question. politicians now are not
providing the kind of leadership we would like to see. right now, you know, if you compromise, if you work with the other party, and either party, this is true for either of them, that show are you a sellout. and i was in congress when we reformed welfare, when we balanced the budget. i negotiated with the clinton people, we got the deal done, we balanced the budget, we paid down debt so these people weren't locked in for the rest of their lives. but if you don't work together and have some degree of bipartisanship, nothing is sustainable. but look, with everything, we see today, i wrote this book not because i want some political platform, i wrote this book because it's not just politics that is letting us down. try flying united. , okay. >> trevor: wow. >> i mean. >> trevor: that tells you how bad, politicians are like but what about united. >> yeah. but listen, throughout our d-- it's throughout our culture now. we have become so self-absorbed
and we're not willing to put our hearts with others. and we have to get this back, trevor. >> trevor: would you not argue that it has gone the other way? would you not argue that united is an example of what are you talking about in the book. >> it is. >> trevor: it is america going we are united because we saw what happened. we don't stand with it, we put pressure on united as people, that's a good thing. >> i think one of the things that i like is the activism we're seeing. >> trevor: yes. >> a lot of republican congressmen don't like that activism but the fact is when people start to rise up, you have the science thing, you have the women's march. i mean it's good stuff. and what i liked about, look, the problem with the united thing is everybody in the studio has been on an airplane and we are starting to get the sense that we don't matter. that something is bigger than us, and we don't matter. i got news for you. we matter just as much as the c.e.o. or the president of the united states it doesn't matter whether you are running a company or turning off-- . >> trevor: wow. i-- i honestly could not recommend to people more that they read the book. you are a rare breed of politician who seems to stick to
>> trevor: that's our show for tonight, don't forget we want to see your moment of zen. so whenever you see something that you think is zen worthy in news or news related clip in the u.s. or international, let us know on twitter with the hashtag daily show glerntion tonight's zen comes from@let's do better now. >> yeah, very much so. he made a very passionate statement, kind of understated, that is where his supporters were, you saw it. there is absolutely no doubt that he will be the next